Friday, January 14, 2011

Terror in a sz 42

So, I'm not stupid or nothin, I know you don't show up for a 13 mile race having only trained 9 and 10 minutes at a time.  Perhaps I'm a bit too brazen though, to think I could not only slack off but smashbam my diet to smithereens *and* slack off and still waltz up to the starting line and expect to get somewhere...

I certainly hope not, bc the start line is where I'm headed...I feel the crush of people all around me, shuffling forward in baby steps of anticipation....they're all around, ahead, behind...I couldn't turn around now if I wanted to.... their momentum and excitement is carrying me forward!...I..I...have no choice but to stumble forward in baby steps of my own, lengthening into stutter-steps...a trot or two...I'm running, I can't stop it, I'm not ready AAAHHHhhhhhhhhhh.....

Yeah.  Then I wake up and it's Saturday, just in time to run the kids' mile with them before PFC the next day!  Yarg!

I'm just that little bit scared, ya see.  More so, because I've been through the stretch, the chiro, and the massage (dammit, I missed acupuncture!!) this week, and my calves are still tight enough to bounce a quarter off.  (Did i just end a sentence with a preposition? I meant AUGH!)  Maybe an admirable trait in abs and sheets, but not calves.  Not if you want to use them to propel you places.  Maybe I'm just letting little things get to me; I'm sure I had concerns going into the other four races...But that's just it: this is the *5th time* I'll be doing something I really didn't think I'd ever do at all, and it's like I finally woke up and realized this is maybe a bit daunting.  Maybe I was outrunning my fear-? You'd think it'd given up and gone in for cookies long before the fifth half.  Maybe that's the nature of fear, it never quits, you just get ahead of it for a while.  Fuck You, Fear!  Go to your home! Are you too good for your home??

Well, and fuck you gluten too.  I could feel that old tired burn in my lungs tonight (flour? yes, chinez food sauce haz you. boooo!) and I can't say as I enjoyed that.  It's frustrating to be so careful and still get blindsided by some random one-off.  Guess that'll teach me for blowing off home ec and not learning to cook!  (Note to self: learn to cook.)

Yeah, so, that's where I'm at tonight.  Going to close up shop now, got a lot of rocking in a corner to do!

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